So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
