you guys were way drunker than both of me
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
