He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize