i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
