My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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