at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
