can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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