a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
