In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Randomize
