I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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