he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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