She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
