Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
