That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
