Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
