her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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