I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
