Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
