Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize