she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize