The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
