a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
