I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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