It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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