Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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