She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
