So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
