a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize