no, he came in my armpit
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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