please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
