She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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