he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
