Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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