Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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