How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
