i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
