Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
