i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
