woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
