The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
