Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
