I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
