the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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