don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
