Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
