I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
