I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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