So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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