I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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