I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
