Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
