He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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