were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Reggie can tackle my bush.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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