Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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