you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
