my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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