Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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