I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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