I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
