I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
