we have pet lesbian snakes
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
