I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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