Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
