Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize