I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
