did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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