im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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