i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
