you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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