I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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