a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
