This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
