He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
