Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
