i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
