FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
