I met the friendliest cop last night
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize