i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
