you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
