Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize