Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I have aggressive nipples.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
