His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
