I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
