Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
