Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize