Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
