Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize