I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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